I Had a "Moment" This Morning.....

.....I was in the bath, peace and quiet, just having a relaxing soak and the floodgates opened. I cried and cried and cried for about fifteen minutes. I had to keep my sobs muffled so that husband wouldn't hear and wonder what the hell was up.

Michael is on my mind now more than ever and I think I just had to let go of the emotions I have built up since 25 June. I can tell you that I felt so much better afterwards. So, that's the last 4 months of emotions got rid of, time to start building them up again I guess.

I found myself just talking to Michael - saying that I hoped he was safe, happy and healthy, that I wouldn't be bothered if he never came back AS LONG AS I knew for certain that he was OK. I told him I was sorry for not having got to know him sooner and that I felt guilty that I wasn't there to support him through all the bad times. Sounds silly I know.

I also just wanted to let Michael know how much I love him and that nobody has ever had such a huge impact on my life as he has, and nobody else ever will.

Now I feel much happier and optimistic. It feels good to have got rid of that dark cloud that has been hanging over me for the last 4 months. Now I feel that I am better prepared to cope with what is thrown at me on this rollercoaster and will be able to keep my emotions under better control.

Love you all XXX

That doesn't sound silly at all. I'm glad a good cry made you feel better. I'm a huge crybaby, so I still cry pretty much everyday, and I have a big sobfest about once a week. If someone brings up his name, I usually start to tear up, so my husband always tries to change the subject really fast for me. I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to handle watching the movie in public. I'm sure you feel completely normal after me telling you all this. Even though I hope he's alive, I can't help feeling really sad about everything...just the chance that he might actually be gone absolutely crushes my heart. You guys keep me upbeat most of the time though, so I'm glad to have you all.

Well, I can only say I'm completely the same. I'm an easy and specially in these days whenever somebody starts talking about Michael or even worse if somebody is saying something negativ about Michael or making fun of him I could just break down and cry. I would like yell in their faces how ignorant they are and that they have no idea how much love i have for Michael in my heart. So don't think you're crazy, I'm the same.

I don't know either if I can manage to watch the movie in public...I really want to though, I'm counting the days=)

I know what you talking about... I had that moment few days ago... Now it is better, just keep the faith! And keep talking to him- it is helpful!

I have the impression that I know him personally..I feel very strange because of that! I am someone who is real and who is standing with both feet on the ground..I think I'm losing my mind! I can't talk with anyone about this (except you guys) - people around me think I am freak or something..

It is hard - but worth it! I can't wait to see... I hope we will know for sure that he is alive, safe and happy!

HUGS

I actually never cry. I can't even remember when I last time cried, I bet it has been almost 7 years or something.
But, when MJ, hmm, died I was just sitting in a corner and talked to no-one. It was so weird, altho I've never even seen him. It was like I had lost someone very close to me.
Still, no tears. I think there's many different ways to cry. I can't cry even tho I wanted... Oh well !

Have strenght, everyone ! Hugs.

@Rowdyangel-thanks for posting your moment. I have been saying for the past two weeks that now that I have my TII tickets and I KNOW that I will see the movie,I am really scared about it. I am so sure that I am gonna cry my freaking eyes out. The only other time I have cried over this was during Paris at the memorial-and the singing of HTW at the memorial.