I worry about all of us ...

Today, driving home on my way back from the market, I was listening to MJ (I have not listened to anything or anyone else since he "passed") and You Are Not Alone came on.

I broke down ... first because that song helped to get me through the worst breakup I ever endured - it took me over a year to recover from it, then during the second part of the song I just started thinking "What if he really is gone?" and then it was like all of the tears that were building up since the Memorial (at the time of the memorial, I thought he was gone and it was a bad day for me). I just cried and cried.

Then when i got back into the house I was just thinking about how all of us, and our belief that Michael is still alive is preventing the natural mourning process from occurring. I have heard many of us say we are 50/50 or 75/25 - so we are technically in a limbo state because as much as we all believe, we still do not have any rock solid proof.

This personally causes me to have very high ups and very down lows depending on the day, whereas if we knew for sure that he was really gone, we would be 2 months into the mourning / healing process. I remember very well what that feels like because I lost my beloved father 4 years ago this August 26th. The first few weeks I was in shock, then crying and sad all the time, then mad that he was taken, then you slowly start to accept the reality of the situation.

I wonder what psychological affects this may have on us? Do we just set in our minds that he is still alive until we have proof otherwise and then mourn? Or do we try to prepare ourselves for what may happen if he is really gone.

Just wondering how all of you feel.

Trust me, Ive been grieving, and I still am.

Ive been very sick since June25th. Throwing up everyday, cant eat, cant sleep, all I do is cry, and pray.

I fainted 2 days ago, and went to the hospital, got a IV drop in my hand and went back home Ive lost 15kilograms, the past 2 months. They told me to come back, if my body dosent start to coap. My body is very affected by this.

Never in my entire life, have I expereinced a pain like this. It has been the worse 2 months of my life.

Ive slowly startet listening to his songs. It hurts like hell, but im doing it.
Im not watching TV, I dont listen to the Radio, or look in Magazines, I cant, Its too hard.

Im trying to control my grief as much as I can, but it is hard. I have been eating some crackers today, and I have been able to keep them down, so far, thats good news.

Everytime, there is some new evedience, to Michael beeing dead or alive, Im beeing very sick.

I dont even dare to think about, how sick I will become if it really tunrs out that he is gone . I dont even wanna go there. I need closure, they could have giving us that by shown us his body in the casket. But they chose not to

Why??

In my heart I feel Michael is still alive, im not in denail, nor am I convinced that he is dead. I miss him so badly everyday.

Im haveing a very hard time dealing with this.

Michael is VERY Special to me.

You Have no idea

@mybelovedmj

I know exactly how you feel. Life just has not been the same since that day. I feel like part of me is missing...

I haven't cried since the day of the memorial which I found very emotional. I think part of the reason I haven't cried is because I feel in my heart Michael is still with us.

However, if our worst fears turn out to be true I will be incredibly upset. I will grieve like I would do for anyone else but I won't allow it to take over my life and this isn't meant to be disrespectful in anyway.

Life is a gift and we have to enjoy it while we can. We have to strive to be the best person that we can be in every way like Michael did, because all too soon it is over. I have an amazing family and friends who I love with all my heart and I intend to be as happy as I possibly can while I have the chance. I cannot think of any greater way of keeping Michael's legacy alive then doing that.

and you know the following also doesn't help our grieving process either and allow us to have closure:

1. No autopsy results
2. No burial (although now that is on the horizon)
3. None of MJ's closest friends at the memorial (to validate the death)
4. The unsettling fact of not knowing exactly what/who caused him to die if he is in fact dead.
5. Conflicting stories of the state of MJ's health. (if everyone said he was sickly, for example, then death would be more plausible. But you have people like Ortega, Jermaine, and DiLeo who claim he was in pristine health and didn't touch drugs. But then others say he was a frail sickly addict).
6. Conflicting stories on the time of death. (was he or wasn't he alive when he went to the hospital?)


I think if it was a straightforward death it would be different. Say he had a defect in his heart that caused sudden death and the autopsy showed that. Well then we could move on and accept the death.

But all this not even knowing WHY he died (if he died) leaves you in a state of limbo. It's hard to have true closure with so many open questions.

Still don't understand the delay with the autopsy results. They have already warned the doctors that arrest may occur, so what else could be at risk??

Yes..it has been very hard to deal with this...my brain is honestly working overtime..OMG-secret between you and me..I even canceled dinner with the girls because I wanted to investigate a few things..LOL..omg..it's funny when I think about it now..
You should look after yourself though.
I hope that the truth will come out soon...it's too much....I beleive he is alive but will we ever know the truth MJ doesn't come back? I Cant trust the media or what the family says..only one I will listen to for the truth is MJ.

Keep strong we are all in this together!
XOXO

@ MyBelovedMJ - I am concerned for you!

What you explained and shared with all of us, broke my heart for you!! Do you have someone with you who is there for you to lean on? I hope so!

I also worry for those of us who have surpressed their grief all together in the hopes that Michael is still alive. That can't be healthy either.

I hope we can continue to support each other - and I especially hope that this all has a happy ending, even if the only ending is that we "know" for sure that he is ok.

SeeingClues wrote:and you know the following also doesn't help our grieving process either and allow us to have closure:

1. No autopsy results
2. No burial (although now that is on the horizon)
3. None of MJ's closest friends at the memorial (to validate the death)
4. The unsettling fact of not knowing exactly what/who caused him to die if he is in fact dead.
5. Conflicting stories of the state of MJ's health. (if everyone said he was sickly, for example, then death would be more plausible. But you have people like Ortega, Jermaine, and DiLeo who claim he was in pristine health and didn't touch drugs. But then others say he was a frail sickly addict).
6. Conflicting stories on the time of death. (was he or wasn't he alive when he went to the hospital?)


I think if it was a straightforward death it would be different. Say he had a defect in his heart that caused sudden death and the autopsy showed that. Well then we could move on and accept the death.

But all this not even knowing WHY he died (if he died) leaves you in a state of limbo. It's hard to have true closure with so many open questions.

Still don't understand the delay with the autopsy results. They have already warned the doctors that arrest may occur, so what else could be at risk??

Exactly!!! All of this is a tremendous strain, and even if GOD FORBID Michael is gone, we really do not have any real closure because of all the things you stated. This prevents us from going through the acceptance stage.

Seeing Clues - Lets just hold onto the hope that the reason there are NO autopsy results is because there was NO AUTOPSY!

Rachel wrote:I haven't cried since the day of the memorial which I found very emotional. I think part of the reason I haven't cried is because I feel in my heart Michael is still with us.

However, if our worst fears turn out to be true I will be incredibly upset. I will grieve like I would do for anyone else but I won't allow it to take over my life and this isn't meant to be disrespectful in anyway.

Life is a gift and we have to enjoy it while we can. We have to strive to be the best person that we can be in every way like Michael did, because all too soon it is over. I have an amazing family and friends who I love with all my heart and I intend to be as happy as I possibly can while I have the chance. I cannot think of any greater way of keeping Michael's legacy alive then doing that.

YES RACHEL - Thank you that was very uplifting. I am going to continue to keep Michaels words of love in my heart. I already find myself caring more about the people all around me, even the ones I do not know. This is what he really wanted and the best way to honor his memory is to carry out love.

Hello everyone I hope that you have had a wonderful day or is going to have a wonderful day. Rachel I think that if he is gone for real ( Which IHello everyone I hope that you have had a wonderful day or is going to
have a wonderful day. Rachel I think that if he is gone for real (
Which I think that he is still alive and well) that we would be okay.
We morun almost everday anyway and then what would really change. But
in my heart of hearts I feel that he is out there somewhere in the big
world. Remember guys we are all like family on here so when one of us
is down we have to help the other. Dont Give up you guys we have come
to far to just stop. If Michael were really dead, would we have done
all of this research and staying up all kinds of late hours? We all
have to think like Michael would.
think that he is still alive and well) that we would be okay. We morun almost everday anyway and then what would really change. But in my heart of hearts I feel that he is out there somewhere in the big world. Remember guys we are all like family on here so when one of us is down we have to help the other. Dont Give up you guys we have come to far to just stop. If Michael were really dead, would we have done all of this research and staying up all kinds of late hours? We all have to think like Michael would.

Ps: This is just something I wanted to say.

MyBelovedMJ wrote:Trust me, Ive been grieving, and I still am.

Ive been very sick since June25th. Throwing up everyday, cant eat, cant sleep, all I do is cry, and pray.

I fainted 2 days ago, and went to the hospital, got a IV drop in my hand and went back home Ive lost 15kilograms, the past 2 months. They told me to come back, if my body dosent start to coap. My body is very affected by this.

Never in my entire life, have I expereinced a pain like this. It has been the worse 2 months of my life.

Ive slowly startet listening to his songs. It hurts like hell, but im doing it.
Im not watching TV, I dont listen to the Radio, or look in Magazines, I cant, Its too hard.

Im trying to control my grief as much as I can, but it is hard. I have been eating some crackers today, and I have been able to keep them down, so far, thats good news.

Everytime, there is some new evedience, to Michael beeing dead or alive, Im beeing very sick.

I dont even dare to think about, how sick I will become if it really tunrs out that he is gone . I dont even wanna go there. I need closure, they could have giving us that by shown us his body in the casket. But they chose not to

Why??

In my heart I feel Michael is still alive, im not in denail, nor am I convinced that he is dead. I miss him so badly everyday.

Im haveing a very hard time dealing with this.

Michael is VERY Special to me.

You Have no idea

I was about same way as MBMJ - since June 26 - about 2 months ... no joke .. I am getting better and doing better day by day - I keep nothing up but Hope in My Heart and Nothing But Love For Michael - I won't accept that he gone unless the have FACTUAL Proof he is gone - In My Book - he is alive and well. I love him like family - Family don't give up until they know for sure .... That's Is My Mindset.

@Ilovemjstill
Thank you very much for your words. Today was a hard day...

I have noone with me.

I live in my own, but im about to move back to the States in a few months.

I have people over there I love with all my heart and soul, and I will try and see if I can be with them.


I have got much support from people on here, and that means alot to me. I will manage.

Thanks for your concern, but please dont worry about me.

Love Charlie

THIS POST IS MAKING ME WANNA GIVE UP

BUT I DON'T WANT TO................MY HEART IS TELLING ME HE'S ALIVE

MyBelovedMJ wrote:I have noone with me.

I live in my own, but im about to move back to the States in a few months.

I have people over there I love with all my heart and soul, and I will try and see if I can be with them.


I have got much support from people on here, and that means alot to me. I will manage.

Thanks for your concern, but please dont worry about me.

Love Charlie

Your part of my family now hun, I'll always worry about you and everyone else.

It has been difficult emotionally and physically for me ever since June 25th. I cannot get the basic things done and is certainly difficult to concentrate on my studies and work. I am mostly tired emotionally as I am always thinking about Michael and the 'what ifs'. I can't wait to come home to check this site or any search engines to get some updates on Michael.. so it's very difficult to get much sleep and if I do I don't feel that it made much difference in terms of relieving stress and fatigue. Every time I go to sleep, I listen to Michael's songs and while getting ready for work I make sure that his music is on even though it's only brief. The main reason for the difficulty I am having with my concentration is becuase like the rest of u I have so many questions for the inconsistencies surrounding Michael's 'death' floating around my head. My computer desktop image is of Michael as well as my mobile phone and the only songs I have on it are by Michael.
plus it's no use talking to my family adn friends bcoz they don't understand and they have told me b4 to let go and even as far as telling me that I am crazy and overdramatic even as I am typing this right now, I am so exhausted and tired and honestly don't know how to make it better..

MJSmile4Us wrote:It has been difficult emotionally and physically for me ever since June 25th. I cannot get the basic things done and is certainly difficult to concentrate on my studies and work. I am mostly tired emotionally as I am always thinking about Michael and the 'what ifs'. I can't wait to come home to check this site or any search engines to get some updates on Michael.. so it's very difficult to get much sleep and if I do I don't feel that it made much difference in terms of relieving stress and fatigue. Every time I go to sleep, I listen to Michael's songs and while getting ready for work I make sure that his music is on even though it's only brief. The main reason for the difficulty I am having with my concentration is becuase like the rest of u I have so many questions for the inconsistencies surrounding Michael's 'death' floating around my head. My computer desktop image is of Michael as well as my mobile phone and the only songs I have on it are by Michael.
plus it's no use talking to my family adn friends bcoz they don't understand and they have told me b4 to let go and even as far as telling me that I am crazy and overdramatic even as I am typing this right now, I am so exhausted and tired and honestly don't know how to make it better..

Everything you just wrote, I'm going through. I have even lost friend because I'm always on here trying to figure out different things. It has been a very difficult ride but I know in the end the truth will preveil. Stay strong and stick together, one person is one person, but an entire website is an army ready for battle (against the media) if needed. Keep The Hope Alive!

charmed6 wrote:

MJSmile4Us wrote:It has been difficult emotionally and physically for me ever since June 25th. I cannot get the basic things done and is certainly difficult to concentrate on my studies and work. I am mostly tired emotionally as I am always thinking about Michael and the 'what ifs'. I can't wait to come home to check this site or any search engines to get some updates on Michael.. so it's very difficult to get much sleep and if I do I don't feel that it made much difference in terms of relieving stress and fatigue. Every time I go to sleep, I listen to Michael's songs and while getting ready for work I make sure that his music is on even though it's only brief. The main reason for the difficulty I am having with my concentration is becuase like the rest of u I have so many questions for the inconsistencies surrounding Michael's 'death' floating around my head. My computer desktop image is of Michael as well as my mobile phone and the only songs I have on it are by Michael.
plus it's no use talking to my family adn friends bcoz they don't understand and they have told me b4 to let go and even as far as telling me that I am crazy and overdramatic even as I am typing this right now, I am so exhausted and tired and honestly don't know how to make it better..

Everything you just wrote, I'm going through. I have even lost friend because I'm always on here trying to figure out different things. It has been a very difficult ride but I know in the end the truth will preveil. Stay strong and stick together, one person is one person, but an entire website is an army ready for battle (against the media) if needed. Keep The Hope Alive!

Thank u so much for saying that what I love about this site is that I am surrounded by such sweet and loving friends like urself who I can rely on bcoz they know and understand what I am going through.

CantStopLovingU wrote:

This personally causes me to have very high ups and very down lows depending on the day, whereas if we knew for sure that he was really gone, we would be 2 months into the mourning / healing process.

I wonder what psychological affects this may have on us? Do we just set in our minds that he is still alive until we have proof otherwise and then mourn? Or do we try to prepare ourselves for what may happen if he is really gone.

I feel the same way! There are days when I am so convinced that Michael is alive that no one or anything can convince me otherwise. However I do have those days when My head tells me he is gone but my heart refuses to accept it! I have been thought to always listen to my heart when making a decision...but to also exercise good judgment. That is when I lose it! How can I exercise good judgment when nothing I see w/my eyes or nothing I hear makes sense one bit. It's like my mind and my heart are at constant battle with each other
Not to mention all the sleepless nights! (which I really don't mind because I make up for it on the weekends ) However, it was starting to become a problem at work, because I was not doing what I was supposed to have been doing and I was falling asleep on top of my desk another problem was that I was even too tired and found myself almost dozing off while driving and that would not only be dangerous for me but for the other drivers as well) So I have cut back on the forums but I won't give up on the investigation. I feel that If I give up on this is like I am giving up on MJ that I will never do!

I do think we need to prepare ourselves for anything! We need to be strong and try and help and be here for each other. No matter what the end result is we will have each other to help or in my hopes to celebrate the outcome. I am glad and thankful for the forums I have found much love and comfort and people who understand what I am going through.