To you, my love

It's been 4 month since you went away, but only 3 weeks ago I started feeling the pain...Maybe I was in denial, maybe my brain didn't want to accept the information it was fed with by the media. I saw your memorial and I cried, but after that everything was back in one piece... Until 3 weeks ago when it hit me like a bulldozer!!! YOU WERE GONE!!! I would never see you in concert, I would never feel you magic again... And I felt lost, I didn't want to accept the "truth"... And I started searching the net for a sign that this was only a bad dream. I had my ups and downs, I lost faith and found it again...

For weeks now I have closed my heart to others. I didn't feel the need to communicate, I was just surfing and trying to find clues wherever I could... I thought I was losing my mind!!! Slowly I started to filter the information and keep only that what my logic and common sense would tell could be true. My heart was telling me you were still here, I just had to convince my mind also. And somehow I did...

But today was one of the worst days... I feel like I'm falling apart, I feel almost on the verge of believing you are gone... At this point I wish there were pictures of you in the coffin, or at the autopsy (OMG! what am I saying!!!) 'cause I really need a closure. I need to stop the pain!

I feel this is too much. The pain is unbearable and I cannot talk to anyone who wouldn't think I' crazy. I am alone in this and it hurts!!!

So, my love, if you are there and see this, PLEASE come back! If for whatever reason you cannot do this, I understand. But PLEASE find a way to ease the pain for all those who feel the same as I do...

I grew up with you, I loved you from the moment I listened to your first song... When I was growing up I had a room full of you pictures. And anytime I felt down and had no one to talk to, I would turn to your pictures and talk... I talked to you for hours and hours, I told you my darkest secrets and all my hopes and plans. The woman I am now is also because of you... I've learned to forgive and be kind to people... I've learned to help others and be a true friend... I learned to love those around me and appreciate the good things in my life.... I even did and do everything in my power to keep the planet healthy... It's all because of you!

I missed you so much today... I can hardly wait to go to sleep and dream of you. It's the only place now that I can find comfort...

Come back my love, ease the pain. I won't judge and I know most of the people won't. And even if you don't... I'll love you more with every day...


To all of you here on the forum... please forgive my long post... but today I just couldn't take it anymore....