The 7 Stages of Grief

I have been poking around the MJHD forum this morning and noticed 2 things. The first is a great new Home Page Post - You should check it out. It made me re-think the whole "somebody was after MJ for his fortune" line of thinking.

Then I saw another post when the member seemed to be upset and questioned if Michael really loved his fans - because if he did, why would he make us suffer through all these months of not knowing what happened.

I posted about this months ago, that our natural grief process was interrupted once we started to question everything and I often wonder how this will impact us should it finally come out one day that there was no hoax.

I found this site that outlines the 7 stages of grief and I figured that the poster who was suddenly so upset with MJ must be in the anger stage.

Does anyone have any thoughts on this? We go from such HIGH HIGHS to cuch LOW LOWS, never working out our grief because we are holding onto the possibility that this was a HOAX and that Michael is still with us.

Just wondering if any of you have experienced these emotions.

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with alcohol or drugs.
You may have guilty feelings or remorse over things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release of bottled up emotion.
You may rail against fate, questioning "Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this stage of grieving.
During this time, you finally realize the true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or despair.

[size=12]7 Stages of Grief...

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

[size=16]6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without him or her.

[size=16]7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward. [/size][/size][/size]

I think I have been through all 7 of these stages about 3 times. Right now I seem to be at about #6.

Well, I've had my turn to mourn and now I'm trying to figure out what happened to him. I remember there was a period of time that I couldnt even listen to any of his songs or look at pics of him. It made me terribly sad, But now I'm dancing to thriller. I still cry now and again when I think about everything, But I feel peace in my heart. I just want to find out what happened to my beloved, he IS alive in my heart and will always be though.

I've been up and down those stages, for I don't know how many times....

I think I'm now coming out of 4. It's funny but while I was reading this I distinctly remember going thru the first three and can almost tell you the day I entered each phase. I ask God often why this has affected me so deeply and I still don't have a clear answer to that. I never met him, never saw him live, while I knew he was a genious when it came to singing, song writing, dancing, cheorgraphy, and producing, his genre was not what I listened to. I had have a great respect for him as a person. He did not appear to be your typical entertainer running around chasing women and breaking hearts. He seemed to have a higher moral standard. He spoke of love and acceptance. That's what I got from him. I don't understand why I am hurting so much over his passing. But like I said I feel I'm entering into stage 5 and thank goodness. This is getting old,

See wrote:I've been up and down those stages, for I don't know how many times....

Same here SEE i know what you mean

7 stages for 7 days of the week, that's how it is for me...I might even add another one, ignoring the issue altogether because of the emotional rollercoster

Thanks for posting CSLU!

CSLU, I'm so glad you made this thread because now we can see that we aren't the only ones dealing with this plethora of emotions. I don't feel so weird just knowing that others are going through the same things.

I have read my own story in each one of your posts and that in itself is therapeutic.

I've been through it all a few times already. I still cry almost everyday though. I don't know how long I'll hold out hope, but it's easier than thinking he's really gone for now. I just hope if he's coming back he doesn't take more than a year to do it.

ILuvUMoreMJ wrote:I've been through it all a few times already. I still cry almost everyday though. I don't know how long I'll hold out hope, but it's easier than thinking he's really gone for now. I just hope if he's coming back he doesn't take more than a year to do it.

Same here... I know it is hard but we must keep faith!

i've been on stage 6 & 7 for almost 2 months now. and i'm prepared for whatever news coming in the future.